Usually when this happens, I attack early. I have this medicine that I put on the affected area, and it seems to work as a pre-emptive measure. But every now and then, my lip will explode and an area about the size of a quarter will begin to inflate and become irritated and red. Small blisters will begin to bloom, little white sacs of puss that offset the maddening red of the inflamation, and the effect is...hideous.
That is what I have now. One gigantic cold sore on my lip. I can feel it throb, beating an infernal pulse, like something alive. My cold sore has a heartbeat, I think. And now I feel like rather than me having a cold sore, my cold sore has a me. I am a vehicle for this gross pustule. I carry it around. We take walks together.
It literally hangs on my every word, such is its geography.
And the thing about the cold sore is that it is, beyond its hideousness, herpes. It’s full name is Herpes Simplex, and when you have it, you have it for life.
So not only do you get to walk around with this gigantic organism attached to your face - eerily familiar to those days in highschool when a large zit would be growing out of your forehead - the cold sore is like a large billboard that screams, “This guy has herpes! On his face! Look!” And then it cackles. Yes, my cold sore cackles. Pity me.
Naturally, one attempts to find a way to quickly and effectively remove the sore. And where does the responsible citizen of the 21st century turn when afflicted by cold sores, foot-and-mouth disease or geriatric profanity syndrome? Dr. Internet, of course.
A simple google search of “how to get rid of cold sores quickly” rendered 723,000 results. So in not too long, I had a handful of homemade remedies that were guaranteed* to get rid of cold sores quickly - and if not painlessly, at least imaginatively - and ranging from the plausible to the ridiculous. Personally, I recommend numbers 1 and 2.
Top 10 methods on the internet for removing cold sores:
1. Lancing the blisters with a sterilized needle, rubbing salt paste on the sore, then covering with petroleum jelly.
2. Brewing tea and placing the tea bags on the sore
3. Rubbing paint thinner on the sore
4. Freezing the sore by holding an ice cube to the sore
5. Rubbing hydrogen peroxide on the sore
6. Rubbing earwax on the sore
7. Rubbing alcohol on the sore
8. Cutting off the sore
9. Cutting off your head
10. Abreva
When I get a cold sore, I put Carmex on it, because Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores. I don't know if it does help, but it will make them more shiny and noticeable. It's like cold-sore-highlighter. Maybe they could come up with an arrow that heals cold sores.
-Mitch Hedburg
*not a guarantee
2 cared:
When you feel the tingle...put an ice cube on it...stops it from getting bigger...then come raid my stash of abreva....f'ing coldsores.
ahhh! i hate them. i swear by abreva but if you dont catch it in time it doesnt help at all
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